The Ultimate Guide for Developing Patience as a Parent

ultimate-guide-for-parents-to-develop-patience

By Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

Introduction

Parenting is an art. Every parent loves their children and yet, we all had experienced losing our temper sometimes. It is important to practice patience daily while caring for our children because children imitate by observing us. Practicing patience will benefit our health, family and other people around us.

The following are some strategies for parents to practice patience while caring for their children:

  1. Identify triggers: Identify the factors causing you to lose your patience. Finding the cause will help you to prevent the triggers or solve the problem.
  2. Self-care: Caring for children and managing their daily activities may be stressful at times. It is important for the parents to care for them with a nutritious diet, adequate sleep, exercise, yoga, meditation and relaxation techniques that will promote their physical and mental well-being and also helps to manage their emotions appropriately. Set a time for yourself.
  3. Practice patience: Whenever you feel stressed and frustrated, consciously calm down and think twice before you answer or speak to your child. Whenever you are angry, practice counting from one to ten before you answer your child. Avoid raising your voice, hitting, shouting or screaming etc.
  4. Practice breathing: Sit in a comfortable place, close your eyes, begin with a few normal breaths and followed by deep breaths, breathing deeply through the nose and breathing out through the mouth. Focus on breaths while practicing. Practice 10 to 20 minutes daily. While breathing relax your muscles and body.
  5. Practice mindfulness techniques: Live in the present moment. Living in the past makes you depressed and living in the future will lead to anxiousness. Live in the present moment by mindful eating, mindful bathing, mindful talking, mindful breathing, mindful working etc., being aware of every activity will promote satisfaction and balance your emotions. For example, feel the color, texture and taste of the food while eating than eating food by watching TV or phone.
  6. Practice Gratitude Journal: Set a regular time to record three to five things for which you feel grateful. Write down an inspiring person, good experiences, happy moments, and blessings etc., Daily practice of a gratitude journal promotes a good mood, positive emotions, satisfaction with life and develops patience.
  7. Practice listening skills: Listen to your child before you respond or react to your child’s behaviour. Ask your child to explain her behaviour or the reason for her behaviour, this will help the parents to understand the child from her perspective.
  8. Practice kindness: Practice kindness. One who is kind to self will be kind to others. Practicing kindness helps you to develop patience. Being kind to self and others reduces the secretion of stress hormone(cortisol) and promotes self-confidence and compassion.
  9. Assess the child’s needs: Assess the child’s needs frequently and meeting the needs will prevent stress and frustration for the child and also for the parents. Making a schedule from waking to bedtime will prevent confusion and minimizes stress.
  10. Work-life balance: Plan for a fun day. Spend time together with your child, relax and enjoy playing some fun games, sharing some stories, doing art and craft work, taking a short walk or planning for a picnic etc., setting time for having fun daily promotes happy hormones and balances your emotions. Daily we have the opportunity to practice patience

Conclusion

Patience is important in our daily life. Practicing the above strategies will help as the key factor to developing patience at home, office and while waiting at a traffic signal etc., Daily practice will help parents to develop patience.

Reference:

The Role of Parents in Supporting the Emotional Development of 3-Year-Olds and Older kids

role-of-parents-in-emotional-development-of-3-year-olds

By Siyona Varghese

As a parent, you play a vital role in supporting your child’s emotional development, especially during their early years. Emotional development is the process by which children learn to express and manage their emotions effectively. It’s a critical part of their growth that lays the foundation for their social and cognitive development.

Three-year olds are at a crucial stage in their emotional development, where they begin to understand and express their feelings in more complex ways. They become more aware of their emotions and those of others around them, which makes it an ideal time for parents to focus on supporting their child’s emotional development.

Here are some ways parents can help their 3-6 year-olds develop emotionally:

Create a safe and secure environment: A child’s emotional development is directly influenced by their environment. As a parent, it’s essential to create a safe and secure environment where your child feels loved and valued. This means creating a home that is free from conflict and providing your child with a sense of stability and consistency. For instance, try not to have conflicts, fights and emotionally charged arguments with other adults in front of your child. Ensure your child understands that you love her and that she can depend upon you.

Encourage expression of emotions: It’s important to encourage your child to express their emotions openly and honestly. Help your child to recognize and name their feelings (such as anger, sadness, frustration, happiness), so they can learn to manage them effectively. Encourage them to talk about their emotions and ask questions to help them understand their feelings better.

Provide positive feedback: Positive feedback is crucial to a child’s emotional development. It helps to build their self-esteem and confidence. Provide your child with positive feedback regularly, such as praising them for their efforts or accomplishments and make sure they feel valued and loved. Rather than praising them generally, praise them for something they did right.

Do not focus on the negative: Do not harp on the negative as it may reinforce that negative activity. In case of behaviour or action you disapprove, tell them once about what they did wrong and focus on changing it in a positive way. Do not call a child ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ as they may start seeing themselves in that way. You can call an action as bad but not the child.

Help your child develop empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Helping your child develop empathy is an essential part of their emotional development. Encourage them to put themselves in other people’s shoes and think about how they would feel in different situations. Teach them to be kind and considerate towards others. Be aware that empathy develops slowly. Your child may start showing empathy from age 3 but it doesn’t fully develop until children are 8 to 10 years old or even older.  Help your child understand other’s feelings and being kind towards them but don’t get frustrated if they don’t show empathy right away as it is a slow process.

Be a good role model: Parents are the most influential role models for their children. Your children are likely to model their behavior based on what they see you do. As a parent, it’s essential to model positive behavior and emotional regulation. Show your children how to manage their emotions effectively and respond to different situations appropriately.

Provide opportunities for social interaction :Social interaction is crucial for your child’s emotional development. It helps them learn to communicate, share and develop friendships. Provide opportunities for your child to interact with other children their age, such as play-dates or attending a preschool or daycare.

Teach your child to problem-solve: Problem-solving is an important part of emotional development. It helps children learn to manage their emotions and deal with challenging situations effectively. Teach your child problem-solving skills by encouraging them to think critically and come up with solutions to different problems they encounter.

In conclusion, parents play a crucial role in supporting the emotional development of their 3-year-olds. Creating a safe and secure environment, encouraging the expression of emotions, providing positive feedback, helping your child develop empathy, being a good role model, providing opportunities for social interaction and teaching your child to problem-solve are all essential steps in supporting your child’s emotional development.

By supporting your child’s emotional development, you are laying the foundation for their future success in life. It’s essential to remember that emotional development is a process and every child develops at their own pace. Be patient, supportive and consistent in your approach and your child will thrive emotionally.

References

How much sleep should my 3-year-old be getting?

3 to 5-year-olds need 10 to 13 hours of sleep per night. Some kids might also take an hour-long or a longer nap during the day.

Preschoolers can take a bit of time to settle down and fall asleep. This is a result of them continuing to think about their day even after going to bed.

In the article, the author mentions positive bedtime routines, dealing with nightmares & night terrors, bed-wetting and much more.

Here is the full article: https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/sleep/understanding-sleep/preschooler-sleep#:~:text=Children%20aged%203%2D5%20years,settle%20and%20get%20to%20sleep.

What to do if my child is dissatisfied most times?

what-to-do-if-my-child-is-not-satisfied

By Jetson Satya Gospel

If you are dealing with an unhappy child, there is hope. Here are some tips that will guide a young child from being dissatisfied to “Cheerful”.

Teaching a child to be joyful and cheerful, takes practice. This is how you, as a parent, may attempt to find joy with your child or children, especially if they are hard to satisfy.

Emphasize to your kids, that:

  • Feeling every type of emotion is alright.
  • Let your kid know that it’s alright to be dissatisfied for the right reasons.
  • Remind your child that they can be in control of how they feel.
  • Have an open arm to embrace your child always!
  • Laugh out from your heart to generate endorphins (happy hormone).  Teach them to laugh heartily.
  • Initiate positive choices intentionally.
  • Be appreciative.
  • Play “joyful” music.
  • Show your child to reminisce happy moments no matter how big or small.
  • Discuss when your kid calms down.

However, do not pressure them to be happy or satisfied. Be subtle in your approach.

The best thing I personally learned is when I saw my friend take his dissatisfied kid to an orphanage. But you must also be careful to remember that an orphanage or an elders’ home is not a tourist spot to hand out. You ought to directly connect with the hearts of residents there. The troubles shouldn’t be too hard on your child’s emotional state too. With that cautious note, I share how kids can realize personally how blessed they are to have wonderful parents, great clothing, good school to study and lovely friends, and to have all their luxurious needs met time after time. Following the visit to the orphanage, the child’s attitude changed for the better, and she felt utterly content. The visit also developed empathy in her towards the kids at the orphanage.

Happy parenting dear parents!

References

  1. https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/some-kids-really-are-more-difficult-heres-why-it-happens-and-how-to-deal/
  2. https://coffeeandcarpool.com/help-an-unhappy-child-be-happy/

How to Parent a possessive kid?

how-to-deal-with-possessive-kid

By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

Isn’t that sweet when you know that your child is possessive of you? But remember too much honey is going to hurt you. Likewise, we will discuss here ways to handle a possessive kid!

Let me share a few quotes as you ponder this journey of parenting a possessive child.

“If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh,  (Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life)

“You want to be free. You also want to be mine. You can’t be both.”
― Nenia Campbell, (Crowned by Fire)

“There are only two mortal sins in the world; one of these is to be cruel and the other is to possess, and they are both destructive of happiness.”
― John Cowper Powys, (A Glastonbury Romance)

Now as you read the quotes I have stated above, it poses a question whether possessiveness is a negative emotion. Yes, it is when it crosses limits. Your three year old may cling to you a lot due to separation anxiety or challenges she faces as normal part of growing. That is natural and I wouldn’t call it possessive. But if you find that your child is too possessive, you may do something about it. So how might you stop the possessive examples in your relationship with your kid? The initial step is to comprehend the reason why your kid opts to participate in a controlling way of behaving, and the subsequent step is to manage the basic sentiments that drive your child toward  abnormal behavior.

The majority of us have some amounts of vulnerability surrounding our comfortable ties. A possessive child is similar. Here are some suggestions for dealing with your possessive child.

  1. Improve your child’s identity by telling them that they are admirable and fine by themselves, alone. Insist that they be reliable and competent. Oppose participating in envious, definitive or punishing ways of behaving
  2. Work towards improving confidence and self-dependence in your child. Don’t withdraw from her. Give her the company and guidance she needs but allow her to do activities independently or with other people.
  3. Acknowledge that these sentiments are from the past experiences
  4. Track down ways of quieting your nervousness
  5. Remove your relationship uneasiness with your kid if any
  6. Put new people and resources into your child’s life
  7. Converse with your child from a grown-up point of view

A few suggestions for parenting a possessive child are provided above. I trust that it would help you walk through a tough terrain and enter green pastures.

References

  1. https://www.psychalive.org/relationship-possessiveness/
  2. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/870836-peace-is-every-step-the-path-of-mindfulness-in-everyday-life

What to do if my child is physically less active?

building resistance in kids

By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

 

Children who engage in regular physical activity have better blood pressure, body mass index, bone density, overall health, academic performance, mental well-being and self-esteem.

Alternately, online activities and video gaming, for example, time spent sitting in front of the television or playing computer games, are connected to heftiness, metabolic disorder, hypertension and lower scores in psycho-social well-being markers like body satisfaction.

Here are things you can do when you notice your little one to be less active:

  • Consult your pediatrician and rule out any physical issues. This is very important.
  • Get the whole family included in making your kid more active. It is a very rewarding method and helps in getting to know each other too.
  • Encourage your kid and ensure that he builds some sweet memories at play.
  • Provide a protected environment.
  • Be a good example: Children who witness their parents continuously enjoying sports and doing real work are likely to do the same.
  • Assist your kid in learning a new game or participating in other active work.
  • Create guidelines with dos and don’ts.
  • Set aside a few minutes for play every day.

I’ve listed some games for kids between the ages of 3-6 below based on my personal experience.

Most activities should be simple, unstructured and play-based between the ages of three and six, although you can start enrolling your child in somewhat structured exercises. It is important to have a range of moderate to vigorous activities. Watch out for the safety of your child in everything.

  1. Swimming
  2. Skating
  3. Stretch exercises
  4. Bicycle riding
  5. Family games but not online

You can keep adding games while being creative and making sure that everyone is secure. This will primarily benefit your child and help them remember your sportive side.

Happy Parenting!

References

  1. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/82-625-x/2019001/article/00003-eng.htm
  2. https://activeforlife.com/best-physical-activities-for-kids-at-every-age/
  3. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/fitness/Pages/Encouraging-Your-Child-to-be-Physically-Active.aspx#:~:text=Play%20with%20your%20children.,%2C%20hike%2C%20or%20bike%20ride.

Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

children-with-ADHD

By Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

Introduction

Attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD) occurs most commonly among children and affects children’s behaviour. Children with ADHD have difficulty paying attention and concentrating.  They are also hyperactive.

What factors cause ADHD?

  • The exact cause of ADHD is unknown.
  • There is a combination of factors that cause ADHD, which includes genetic factors, defects in the brain structure and abnormality in brain function such as an imbalance in the level of neurotransmitters.
  • Other risk factors causing ADHD include brain injury, premature delivery (baby is born before 37 weeks of pregnancy), low birth weight (birth weight less than 2.5kgs) and exposure to environmental risk factors such as lead during pregnancy.

How parents can identify children with ADHD?

If you notice any of the below signs and symptoms in your child, you must go for a proper diagnosis as recommended by the doctor.

Common symptoms include:

A- Acting without thinking

D- Difficulty in focus or concentrating

H- Hyperactive or excessive running, jumping, climbing on everything

D- Disturbing conversation

E- Excessive talking

F- Forgetful

M- Making careless mistakes

R- Restless or difficulty sitting still

Children with Attention-deficit/Hyperactive disorder will have difficulty sitting still, are restless and exhibit disruptive behaviour. There is no cure for ADHD but a combination of therapy and treatment is given to minimise the symptoms and promote the functioning of children. A combination of therapy includes medication, behaviour therapy, psychoeducation or training or a combination of treatments. Behaviour therapy is given as a first line of treatment before trying the medication.

1.Diet Therapy: Diet management includes a well-balanced diet with carbohydrates, proteins and minerals. Children with ADHD should be provided with adequate nutrients to replace the energy loss and for optimum functioning of children. Balanced diet includes

Carbohydrates: Carbohydrates provide energy to the body and mind. The food sources include:

Proteins: protein helps with bodybuilding, brain function and Immunity. The sources of protein-rich foods include:

Minerals: include Iron, magnesium and zinc which helps our body function normally. The food sources include:

Omega 3 fatty acids: Research has shown that there is a relationship between omega-3 fatty acids and brain development in children. Omega 3 fatty acid foods help for boosting memory and improve attention span in children. The food sources include:

2.Behaviour therapy:

Behaviour therapy is given to children as a treatment before starting ADHD medications. Healthcare professionals refer parents of children less than 6 years old for training in behaviour therapy because younger children are not mature enough to understand behaviour therapy.

Objectives of Behaviour Therapy:

  • Behaviour therapy includes training parents to identify and encourage right or positive behaviour in their child
  • Giving appreciation or praise or rewards for good behaviour will build self-confidence in children and discourage unwanted behaviour in the child.
  • Behaviour therapy also promotes parent-child relationships or bonding which will reduce the symptoms of ADHD in children.

3.Psycho-education: Parents’ education includes creating awareness or educating parents about ADHD, its causes, symptoms and management which will strengthen the parent-child relationship and promote discipline in children’s behaviour.

The following are suggestions to parents to handle children with ADHD.

Plan: Plan your child’s complicated or bigger tasks into smaller which will arouse interest in the child to do the task

Organize: Organize your child’s daily routine from waking up until bedtime. Making a schedule will reduce stress and confusion and promote discipline in children’s behaviour.

Manage: Manage or reduce daily distractions from TV, Kitchen noise etc to help your child focus and concentrate better on the activity. Reduce or eliminate TV, Phone and devices such as computers.

Communicate: Communicate clearly and specifically. Simple and specific directions will help your child understand and follow.

Reinforce: Provide frequent positive rewards and encouragement to promote self-confidence in children and also will strengthen the appropriate behaviour.

Live a balanced life: Children should be provided with nutritious or healthy foods, adequate sleep, exercise, and physical activity. A balanced lifestyle will promote a child’s physical and mental health.

References

 

How can I make my child Independent?

How-can-I-make-my-child-independent.

Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

Introduction

Around 3 years of age, children start growing more self-reliant and begin to concentrate more on adults and kids outside the household. They start to explore and ask about the things around them even more. Their interactions with their family and their environment will influence how they think and behave, as well as how they express themselves. During this stage, children should be able to ride a tricycle, be able to dress themselves, play with other children, recall part of a story and sing a song.

How can we encourage independence in pre-schoolers?

Set predictable routines

It can come as a surprise, but fostering independence requires establishing a reliable routine. Even brushing your teeth is a routine because there are several procedures that are constantly performed in the same order: turning on the water, rinsing the toothbrush, applying toothpaste, brushing, rinsing, and drying your hands and mouth. Likewise, going outside requires putting on shoes/slippers, packing a snack and so on.

Let your child choose

Involve your child in deciding what to wear, what to play with, or whom to call. Provide two or three options, and then praise their ability to make a choice.

Let your child help

Children love to help! In addition to building independence, this is a great tool for calming tantrums or redirecting behaviour by giving them a sense of control.

Give your child task or responsibilities

Giving kids responsibilities will encourage cooperation and the growth of empathy. Your child can display appropriate responsibility by performing simple activities like gathering toys or placing laundry in the hamper. In fact, you can incorporate these duties into your regular schedule. For instance, helping load the dishwasher or carrying their plate to the sink might be a part of your child’s mealtime ritual.

Let your child solve problems on her own

Allow your child to attempt difficult tasks and handle minor issues on their own. We frequently blame kids for our tension or frustration. We must allow kids to fall while they are initially learning to crawl or walk. Similar to this, we must allow kids to put their shoes on the wrong foot when they are learning to do so. To move your child on to the next stage, wait until they ask for assistance or make a minor suggestion. Don’t forget to give credit to the effort made.

Nurture free play

Independent and unstructured play is very important for development of creativity, problem-solving and independence. Offer your pre- schooler a variety of art materials such as crayons, markers, chalk, finger paints and building materials/blocks.

Things to say when they work/play

  • Offer verbal feedback, when you are giving positive comments about the qualities that you want to foster in your child and making it more likely these behaviours will happen again.
  • Praise your child’s right behaviour. For example, “Good job building up those blocks!” or, “I’m proud of you for replacing the toys in place.
  • Use reflective speech in order to convey to your child that you are listening and comprehending, For instance, if your kid says, “I constructed a tower,” you can respond, “You made a tower, Wow!”
  • Play and interact in ways that are appropriate. This encourages teamwork by rewarding good behaviour with favourable attention, which is the most effective reward. For instance, when your child constructs a tower, you start stacking blocks as well.
  • Explain the behaviour of your child. This reinforces your child’s constructive play and gets their attention. I notice you drew a rainbow, or we’re building a tower together, these are some possible responses.
  • Show Interest while talking with your child. Your interaction with your child feels warmer and more engaging as a result. You may, for instance, speak in a fun tone, speak with exaggerated emotion, and smile frequently.

References

  1. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/preschoolers.html#:~:text=They%20will%20become%20more%20independent,ways%20of%20thinking%20and%20moving.
  2. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-build-independence-in-preschoolers/

Tips to encourage kids to Tidy up

tips-to-encourage-kids-to-tidy

In this article, the author recommends various ways by which you can make your child learn to tidy up after playing.

Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Sort all the toys into categories that can be stored while working with your child
  2. Explain them the importance of tidying up after playing with their toys.
  3. Do more than simply say “clean up.” . Try “Store your cars first, then proceed to the books” as an alternative. A large mess can easily overwhelm a preschooler, frequently because they don’t know where to start.
  4. Make sure to praise your youngster for their efforts.

To read the full article, please visit: https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/11-ways-teach-young-kids-value-cleaning-get-them-do-ncna1144321

 

How to Nurture Curiosity in Children

how-to-nurture-curiosity-in-children

By Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

Introduction

When things don’t follow a pattern or make sense, kids become curious. Children have a natural desire for knowledge. Curiosity may provide an explanation for a child’s how, what, when, where and why questions. Children want to immediately understand the fundamentals of how things operate or understand why something is happening. A child that is naturally interested will always be open to new experiences and be imaginative, especially when dealing with everyday items.

In light of this, if your child frequently asks you questions, it means that she is beginning to think and that the natural progression of her cognitive growth has begun. You would be increasing your child’s knowledge when you answer the questions patiently. Curiosity is a good thing in children. But when children ask one question after another, sometimes you could lose your temper. However, the ability to maintain composure and self-control is very crucial for parents. The following tips to develop patience may help you.

https://dev.vitalma.in/blog/2023/01/08/tips-to-parents-to-develop-patience/

It is in fact a blessing to have curious children as that is the way they learn. When we nurture curiosity, you get children who are thirsty for knowledge.

Ways to keep curiosity alive

  • Answer to your child’s doubts: Respond to questions sincerely: Be thoughtful in your responses to your child’s concerns. If you don’t know the answer, seek answers together from Internet, books or experts. Help her feel comfortable with feelings of not knowing something, and also help her realize the eagerness of resolving doubt.
  • Nurture your child’s passions: Discover your child’s hobbies, then go exploring with him.
  • Redirect interests: If your child enjoys playing with water, instead of saying ‘Don’t’ when she throws a cup of water, give her water and containers, and allow her to play in an area that can be messed up. Show her acceptable ways of learning.
  • Ensure a safe environment: Safety should be your main concern when children are exploring their environment. Cover plug points and keep medicines, cleaners, sharp objects and hot surfaces out of their reach. Supervise children around water.
  • Give children stability: Young children succeed in a calm and orderly family life with regular mealtimes and bedtime routines. The schedule serves as a child’s clock because they are unable to tell the time. When children’s lives are stressful, they respond by playing less and exploring less. Children who experience abuse, neglect, violence, natural disasters or war lose their curiosity and do not explore like children raised in healthy, stable homes.
  • Choose toys wisely: Children need play materials they can operate. Blocks, boxes, puzzles, water and art materials can be  immense sources of fun and learning for your child.
  • Let them Explore: Give them magnets, buckets, magnifying glasses, measuring tape, sand, clay, water and measuring cups for their investigations and to keep their curiosity alive. Our kids will gravitate toward things they find appealing. Let them explore without pushing anything on them.  Being too strict or too careful could hinder the natural creativity of children. Give them the freedom to discover whatever they desire.
  • Make your child observant: Make your child observant by pointing out things and posing questions. Ask your child to describe her environment. Ask her to find five things in red color in the surroundings. Such small games will increase his awareness of his surroundings.
  • Address their curiosity: Children often come up with lots of questions. Address their questions without complications. Don’t ignore or overwhelm them with too much information.

References

  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6203666/pdf/nihms961935.pdf
  2. https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Patient-With-Kids