Anger management in Kids

Dealing-with-anger-management-in-kids

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

My 4 year old gets angry easily. She throws things and shouts. How do I help her manage her anger? Do my kids need anger management or do I?

Let’s start our discussion with a dialogue between a Dad and his 4 year old daughter.

 Dad: Hey Dear! Do you realize what time it is? Isn’t it time to bed?  You are still digging on the mobile!

Daughter: I want to finish this game Daddy.

Dad: Do you honestly believe that that is a good excuse? 

Daughter:  Not at all–that is what I like to do now.

Dad: How many times do I have to ask you to hit the bed soon?

Daughter: Daddy I see you doing that too!

Dad:  That’s beside the point.

Daughter:  Starts crying …. (Action)

Dad:  Next time you use the phone before bed, there will be consequences.

Daughter:  Throws the mobile……… (Action)

Dad sighs with sadness and is about to scold his daughter

Let us stop the conversation between the Dad and the daughter here.

Some kids simply lose their temper from time to time, but other kids seem to remember things more negatively when things don’t go their way. The majority of the time, parents will need to provide additional support to their children to deal with their behaviour. Few would argue the fact that rage and aggression continue to rank among the most important and challenging issues faced by our society, even though official rates of aggression and violence among kids, teens and adults have decreased from their peak level.

Controlling quick reactions can be hard for young children and supporting them can be sometimes difficult for the parents. That is undoubtedly challenging. In any case, keep in mind that you’re trying to teach your children how to deal with anger. If you yell or give in, you’ll demonstrate the same behaviour you are trying to discourage. Your children will observe and witness your own incapability to deal with anger.

So, what can parents do? Here are some tips to deal with anger management issues in your child:

Handling your own irritation: Your behaviour sets an example for your child. When you handle yourself well, it will teach kids to do the same.

Directing feelings and overseeing conduct: These are abilities that foster gradually over time in parenting. Similar to several other skills, your kids should practice and learn them with your help.

Trying to be your kid’s partner: Both parents can support their children to overcome their unpleasant attitudes. Parents can partner with their kids in understanding what troubles them and what cause them to be angry, first. Then they can come up with strategies for the children to cope with their anger.

Modelling anger management: How you behave reflects on your children. When your child acts up, if you respond by screaming and shouting, that only encourages them to do the same. Be a role model in how you react towards your child’s anger and your child will learn to manage his anger better.

Making rules clear and sticking to them: Having guidelines at home is vital for a child’s development. Abiding by them is crucial too, for instance, you could say “No phones after 9pm”. Provide consequences for their actions.

Taking breaks: If you become angry or emotional, try to leave the child in another responsible adult’s hands and take some time off from the situation.

Resting: Ensure kids get sufficient rest. Rest is vital for their growth and development.

Keeping them active: Children that have strong attitudes can benefit much from dynamic play. Encourage your child’s favorite sports and outdoor activities. Let them spend their energy usefully and stimulate their intellect.

Here are some model conduct rules to try:

In our family, we don’t strike or yell in an offensive manner

  • There’s no shouting permitted.
  • You may not toss things or break things deliberately.

Most kids can learn strategies for managing their anger effectively. Talking to other adults about how they raise their children, as well as with teachers, school counsellors, and mentors, may be helpful. If the situation becomes out of hand and unnatural, your child’s primary care physician may recommend a professional counsellor.

 

References

  1. Nelson, W. M. III, Finch, A. J., Jr., & Ghee, A. C. (2012). Anger management with children and adolescents. In P. C. Kendall (Ed.), Child and adolescent therapy: Cognitive-behavioral procedures (pp. 92–139). Guilford Press
  2. Kendall, P. C. (Ed.). (2011). Child and adolescent therapy: Cognitive-behavioral procedures. Guilford Press.
  3. Rodriguez, C. M., & Green, A. J. (1997). Parenting stress and anger expression as predictors of child abuse potential. Child abuse & neglect, 21(4), 367-377.
  4. Holden, E. W., Willis, D. J., & Foltz, L. (1989). Child abuse potential and parenting stress: Relationships in maltreating parents. Psychological Assessment: A Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1(1), 64.
  5. Burrell, B., Thompson, B., & Sexton, D. (1994). Predicting child abuse potential across family types. Child Abuse & Neglect, 18(12), 1039-1049.
  6. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/help-your-child-with-anger-issues/
  7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4808268/
  8. https://www.eslfast.com/robot/topics/dailylife/dailylife19.htm

 

 

 

By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

How to deal with temper tantrums in toddlers?

how-to-deal-with-temper-tantrums-in-kids

Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

Introduction

Understanding how to handle children’s tantrums is crucial for parents since it will ease their stress and encourage youngsters to behave well. Temper tantrums are accepted as a typical and frequent occurrence in early childhood, and yet they frequently cause parental discomfort. They are a common reason why parents seek help for their children’s mental health. Tantrums can happen as young as twelve months old, although they most frequently happen between the ages of two and three.

Why do children throw tantrums?

A tantrum is an expression of a young child’s frustration with her restrictions or anger about not being able to get her own way. Possibly your child is having trouble figuring something out or finishing a task. Maybe your child doesn’t have the words to express his or her feelings. Frustration might cause an outburst, resulting in a temper tantrum.

If your child is hungry, tired, feeling ill, or needs a changeover, her threshold for frustration is likely to be lesser and a tantrum is more likely to occur.

When is a temper tantrum not normal?

After the age of four, it is crucial to seek professional advice and correct this behaviour if tantrum episodes become more frequent, disrupt the child’s routine, cause harm to the child or others, or include holding one’s breath to the point of fainting.

Stages of a temper tantrum

A tantrum episode can be divided into three stages and understanding these stages will help you to manage future episodes effectively.

Stage 1: Screaming, yelling, crying and whining

Stage 2: Falling on the ground, continuously screaming, stamping on the ground, rolling on the ground

Stage 3: Whining continuously

Prevention of Tantrums

  • Prevention is better than cure: Prevention is the best way to handle frequent and recurrent temper tantrums, therefore trying to alleviate common triggers of temper tantrums such as fatigue, hunger, illness or injury can be helpful.
  • Be consistent: Create a daily schedule for your child so that they know what to expect. Maintain a schedule that balances enjoyable activities with ample rest and a nutritious diet as much as you can.
  • Let your child make appropriate choices: Give your kid a say in little things. Refrain from turning down everything. Would you prefer to read a book or construct a tower out of blocks, for instance?
  • Appreciate good behaviour: Children require regular encouragement and positive reinforcement. When your child demonstrates restraint, acknowledge them. Give your child more attention when they behave nicely. When your child follows instructions, give him or her a hug or express your pride in them.
  • Make agreements: Make sure you communicate your expectations regarding their behaviour with your child. Make agreements with them regarding their demands (e., what is allowed and what is not allowed) and remind them repeatedly.

Parenting a tantrum-prone child

There are times when parents and caregivers cannot avoid a tantrum but can minimize their stress by practicing consistent management strategies. Parents must adopt certain principles to manage a child’s temper tantrum behaviour. The abbreviation R.I.D.D. can help parents and caregivers handle a typical tantrum.

  • Remain calm and act as an example: It is advantageous to take a calm, redirecting, and distracting attitude. In a normal tone, say firmly “no biting.” Explain your guidelines in a calm manner once your child has calmed down.
  • Ignore the tantrum: Some children throw tantrums to seek attention. Try ignoring the tantrum, but pay attention to your child after she calms down. Spend quality time with your child so she doesn’t have to seek attention.
  • Distract the child: Take your child to a quiet place where she can calm down safely. Speak softly or play soft music.
  • Say “yes”: Yield to a child’s demands when necessary to the child’s physical and safety needs, but resist pressure to comply at other times. If you yield every time, it could encourage undesirable conduct.

Do not use physical punishment as it may lead to tantrum behaviour that is more serious or persistent. Physical punishment teaches a child that it is acceptable to hit someone when they are angry or irritated.

Managing Tantrums based on stages

Stage 1: Screaming, yelling, crying, and whining

Move: Take the child to a different place. Take your child to a quiet place where he or she can calm down safely. Speak softly or play soft music.

Distract: Young children have a brief attention span. Use it and try to divert the child and offer something else. Involve them in a different activity and take the child away from the environment of the tantrum.

Negotiate: Provide an alternative to what the child is asking/wanting.

Stage 2: Falling to the ground, continuing to scream, stamping on the floor, and rolling on the ground

In order to prevent a child from hurting themselves, make sure that there is adequate room. Avoid focusing on or responding to the child’s attention-seeking behaviour.

Stage 3: Continues to whine

Sooth and console the child physically. The child may feel more safe and defuse a tantrum more quickly if you hold them.
Give the kid different toys or activities to try.

What if my child becomes destructive or dangerous?

If a tantrum worsens, remove your child from the situation immediately especially if it could become dangerous. Sooth her by showing tenderness and understanding. Divert her attention. Some people prefer timeouts but note that timeouts should be done in the spirit of providing a safe space to the child to calm down rather than as a punishment. If you want to impose a timeout, consider the following:

  • Timeout is not a punishment: Don’t make the child feel that timeout is a punishment. Rather, make it a safe place where she can cool down.
  • Select a timeout spot: Make your kid sit in a dull spot, like a chair in the living room or the floor in the hallway. Hold off until your child has calmed down. Show that you love and care for her. Sooth her. Consider giving your child a timeout for one minute for each year of age.
  • Stick with it: If your child starts to walk around before the timeout is over, return her to the designated timeout spot, while showing her that you care for her.
  • Know when to end the timeout: Discuss the purpose of the timeout and why the behaviour was improper with your child once they have calmed down. Go back to your regular activities after that. However, don’t overuse timeouts or they won’t be effective.

In these challenging times, make sure to create an environment of positivity at home to try to make children feel happy and relaxed. Take care of yourself too – because if you are happy, your family will be happy.

References

  1. https://www.unicef.org/india/parentingtips/handling-temper-tantrums#:~:text=Provide%20positive%20attention%3A%20Observe%20your,have%20a%20short%20attention%20span.
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK544286/
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline, Child Safety 0 Comment

What should I do if my child cries a lot?

what-should-I-do-if-my-child-cries-a-lot

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

Some kids cry over minor matters, as if the world were falling apart around them. Children cry both from their heart and their eyes. To address these issues of “crying”, which may have a cause or not, we need to build a strong foundation with children on understanding their feelings when they cry. Crying is normal. But how we face our children and teaching them how to face the situations make all the difference.

As parents we experience certain feelings and emotions when our child cries. The following is a list of mindful responses to various moods and emotions, that can be used by parents. I have arranged it in an alphabetical order devised from my personal parenting experience.

Adore and show affection frequently and let your children know that you care for them.

Befriend your child and talk to them about what is troubling her.

Calm yourself down and then calm your crying child. It is important that as a parent, you don’t act up when you see your child hurt or unreasonable.

Discipline is important and if your child cries out of injustice or selfishness, teach them that their crying will not give them what they need. Do not allow them to use crying as a tool to achieve bad things.

Emotions of the child need to be your focus, as she cries. Empathize with her. A tender touch, loving response or a hug go a long way.

Fast reaction may be required and so be prepared.

Good to cry for good reasons. It’s okay to cry when a child feels heavy at heart as crying helps her vent out heavy feelings.

Hope that as your child will mature, things will improve. Nothing is going to last for very long.

Inspire your child as a parent to be strong at heart and face challenges with bravery, whether at home or in school.

Justice and fairness should be kept in mind while dealing with your children. Do it gently.

Keen you should be, in knowing the reasons behind your child’s cry.

Love as they are and show your affection even when they cry.

Mindful of the environment you should be, when they cry.

No changing your stance when it is a reasonable one. Let your no be no and yes be yes.

Observe your child’s behavior when she cries.

Polite and kind words should be used, when you speak to your crying child. Show empathy to your child. Let her know that you understand her and feel her pain.

Question her kindly. An interactive two-way dialogue should be practiced.

Reassure your child that there is hope for a positive change.

Sincerely address the child when she is crying.

Thoughtful you must be, about all possible causes of crying.

Uplift your child’s spirits as a coping strategy.

Valiant you should be and teach your child to be strong and brave, when she is facing a difficult situation.

Warm and receptive, a parent must be at all times.

X-factor in this is your own unique strategy!

You should put yourself your child’s shoes and imagine you are of her age and think about how you’d feel.

Zest and enthusiasm for parenting will help you sail through these issues.

References

  1. https://www.chop.edu/pages/crying-over-little-things
  2. https://www.moms.com/tips-parent-child-cries/
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

How to deal with Attention-seeking behaviour in children?

How-to-deal-with-attention-seeking-behaviour-in-child

By Siyona Varghese

 

The ability to discriminate between needs and wants is just not developed yet in children between the ages of 3 and 6. As a result, they sometimes act as though they’re attempting to push you away. This can indicate that they are more in need of your help than before. You may be able to assist your child more effectively if you recognize the underlying causes of their attention-seeking behaviour.

The Root Cause

Children want your attention naturally since they rely on adults for stability and care. Although you may want kids to behave well always, given their age and developmental stage they would misbehave sometimes. Note that it is normal and it is also normal for a child to seek attention. It should concern you only if a child’s conduct becomes out of control.  A child my seem out of control for a variety of causes including problems in their upbringing or environment. Their conduct might also be impacted by a brain-based difference.
Here are some helpful strategies for dealing with a child that constantly demands attention:

Reinforce Good behaviour: Rewarding them for good behaviour is the most effective approach to encourage good behaviour. Compliment them on most things, big or small, they do well (1). Compliment them in a way that they understand why you are complimenting. Avoid empty appreciation.

Spend time with your kids: Parents sometimes mistakenly believe that they are spending all of their time taking care of their children because they do chores like washing their clothes, cooking their meals, making their beds, sending them off to school etc. However, while these fundamental activities are wonderful, children need you to play with them and give them direct attention. Children also need to be mentally and emotionally stimulated. Make sure you spend a lot of quality time reading, playing and conversing with your children.

Be Compassionate: Empathy must be used while addressing the issue of unwanted conduct with young children. You don’t have to fully comprehend their behaviour to be empathetic. An understanding touch and a friendly smile go a long way.

It can be an absolute challenge to maintain kindness and empathy when the kids act rude. However, remind yourself that they are only kids. Once you are aware of their developmental maturity, you will be able to better comprehend what they can and cannot handle. 

Explain what is an emergency and what is not: Give your children some guidance on how to distinguish between a real emergency that requires your quick response and something they want but isn’t a top priority. Here’s a simple tip: make sure you have a clear plan that enables your children to communicate when something is actually significant. Children will learn to distinguish between a genuine emergency and someone simply needing your attention by developing a catchphrase they may use in an actual emergency (such as, “code red”).

Communicate: It’s possible that they feel “not good enough” in their academic subjects at school, so they “act up” to mask how they truly feel, which is not good enough. Communicate with them about how you can boost their academic performance or give them more self-assurance in the topics they are finding tough. If necessary, find ways to support them. Discover easy ways to build their confidence, such as talking to their teacher or playing some memory games for a few minutes while driving to school(2). Let them also know under-performance is okay sometimes.

Avoid yelling: When children won’t stop crying or you’re exhausted and at your wit’s end, it can be quite tempting to bring your emotional reactions down to their level. When you feel like you could lose control and snap, try to have a strategy in place for getting away from the situation. If they don’t stop acting up for attention, tell them: “I need to take a 5-minute time-out as you won’t stop crying.” Once you feel calm enough to handle the kids, return to your quiet space and practice some deep breathing and relaxation techniques. If you need a break, ensure the child is left in another adult’s care.

Make sure they don’t feel guilty: Many parents experience chronic fatigue and overwork as a result of juggling the demands of their children, and life in general. As a result, it can be tempting to use our challenges such as a demanding job, an unpleasant encounter with a neighbor, or a disagreement with our partner to guilt our children into acting well. 

But our children shouldn’t be exposed to the problems we adults experience. Kids already feel enough stress and worry on their own; it’s unfair to subject them to more stress. Although it’s okay for them to be aware of how worn out you are, you should avoid discussing all the specific details.

Don’t assume: Many parents panic when their children exhibit attention-seeking habits while in fact, the issue is not a serious one. It’s normal for most children to act out at some point during their development. It doesn’t necessarily imply that they have a problem. Expecting this behaviour in children and responding to it with appropriate consequences will help you educate kids how to behave appropriately when they’re sad or want attention (3).

Bottom line: Children often engage in attention-seeking behaviour. Some young kids behave a certain way because they don’t know how to express their demands in a calmer way. There are various ways of supporting the kids, even if you don’t understand their reasons. 

It is crucial to focus on your relationship with your children as it is one of the most essential ways to meet their requirements. Their cornerstone for living a healthy life will be creating a strong and supportive bond.

References

  1. https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-about-attention-seeking-kids#recap
  2. https://sueatkinsparentingcoach.com/2020/05/what-to-do-if-you-have-an-attention-seeking-child/
  3. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4415806/
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10 ways to deal with adamant kids

How-to-deal-with-adamant-kids

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

It is quite natural and normal for a child to be adamant however, this doesn’t make the parent’s hardships any less. It can be quite difficult to convince the kid to do something as simple as sleep, take a bath or eat which finally leads to a disagreement. Maintaining this could seem like a burden. It is important to make the child realize the consequences of such behaviour. To encourage children to pay attention to you, you must also recognize the worth of the consistent effort and moral behaviour.

Here are 10 strategies for dealing with an adamant child:

  1. Avoid being the parent who starts fights: Listen carefully to anything your kid has to say and transform it into a discussion rather than a contention.
  2. Connect with your kid: Try sitting in front of the TV with your child for a while if you think they should quit watching TV and focus on homework instead. Once you’ve established some rapport, your child will start to paying attention to you.
  3. Give them options: Offer them choices at play and study. This would make them feel that they have control over their lives. They will appreciate the autonomy in what they do.
  4. Empathize with your child: Consider what your child sees as the most important issue to address and then try to understand why they are acting so adamantly.
  5. Harmony at home: Ensure that your house is where your kid feels cheerful, good, and secure. Be courteous to everybody at home, particularly your partner, as kids observe us continuously and try to imitate us and also learn from us.
  6. Reach an agreement: Instead of imposing firm boundaries, try to negotiate with them. For instance, if the child insists on hearing two stories before bed, attempt to come to an agreement whereby he can choose one story for this evening and the other for another night.
  7. Encourage positive behavior: Appreciate good things that your child does. It encourages him to repeat such behaviour. By having positive attitude yourself, you set an example for your child. If you frequently use the words “no”, “won’t” your child is likely to follow the same.
  8. Plan schedules: Setting up and following a regular plan for your child will help towards improving your child’s manners and academic performance week after week.
  9. Set down rules and expectations: Explain the rules to your child and what you expect out of him. But take note that although consistency is crucial, this should not imply rigidity. Being flexible, when circumstances require, is equally vital.
  10. Tell them a story: Explain model behaviour through stories. Stories could include your life story as well.

Let this day be a start to your parenting life story from a new paradigm 

References

  1. Burket, R. C., Cox, D. J., Tam, A. P., Ritterband, L., Borowitz, S., Sutphen, J., … & Kovatchev, B. (2006). Does” stubbornness” have a role in pediatric constipation?. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 27(2), 106-111.
  2. Hosseini, S., Naziri, G., & Rozdar, E. (2014). Effectiveness of Storytelling therapy on the reduction of aggression and stubbornness in children with oppositional defiant disorder.
  3. Stormshak, E. A., Bierman, K. L., McMahon, R. J., & Lengua, L. J. (2000). Parenting practices and child disruptive behavior problems in early elementary school. Journal of clinical child psychology, 29(1), 17-29.
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