The Ultimate Guide for Developing Patience as a Parent

ultimate-guide-for-parents-to-develop-patience

By Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

Introduction

Parenting is an art. Every parent loves their children and yet, we all had experienced losing our temper sometimes. It is important to practice patience daily while caring for our children because children imitate by observing us. Practicing patience will benefit our health, family and other people around us.

The following are some strategies for parents to practice patience while caring for their children:

  1. Identify triggers: Identify the factors causing you to lose your patience. Finding the cause will help you to prevent the triggers or solve the problem.
  2. Self-care: Caring for children and managing their daily activities may be stressful at times. It is important for the parents to care for them with a nutritious diet, adequate sleep, exercise, yoga, meditation and relaxation techniques that will promote their physical and mental well-being and also helps to manage their emotions appropriately. Set a time for yourself.
  3. Practice patience: Whenever you feel stressed and frustrated, consciously calm down and think twice before you answer or speak to your child. Whenever you are angry, practice counting from one to ten before you answer your child. Avoid raising your voice, hitting, shouting or screaming etc.
  4. Practice breathing: Sit in a comfortable place, close your eyes, begin with a few normal breaths and followed by deep breaths, breathing deeply through the nose and breathing out through the mouth. Focus on breaths while practicing. Practice 10 to 20 minutes daily. While breathing relax your muscles and body.
  5. Practice mindfulness techniques: Live in the present moment. Living in the past makes you depressed and living in the future will lead to anxiousness. Live in the present moment by mindful eating, mindful bathing, mindful talking, mindful breathing, mindful working etc., being aware of every activity will promote satisfaction and balance your emotions. For example, feel the color, texture and taste of the food while eating than eating food by watching TV or phone.
  6. Practice Gratitude Journal: Set a regular time to record three to five things for which you feel grateful. Write down an inspiring person, good experiences, happy moments, and blessings etc., Daily practice of a gratitude journal promotes a good mood, positive emotions, satisfaction with life and develops patience.
  7. Practice listening skills: Listen to your child before you respond or react to your child’s behaviour. Ask your child to explain her behaviour or the reason for her behaviour, this will help the parents to understand the child from her perspective.
  8. Practice kindness: Practice kindness. One who is kind to self will be kind to others. Practicing kindness helps you to develop patience. Being kind to self and others reduces the secretion of stress hormone(cortisol) and promotes self-confidence and compassion.
  9. Assess the child’s needs: Assess the child’s needs frequently and meeting the needs will prevent stress and frustration for the child and also for the parents. Making a schedule from waking to bedtime will prevent confusion and minimizes stress.
  10. Work-life balance: Plan for a fun day. Spend time together with your child, relax and enjoy playing some fun games, sharing some stories, doing art and craft work, taking a short walk or planning for a picnic etc., setting time for having fun daily promotes happy hormones and balances your emotions. Daily we have the opportunity to practice patience

Conclusion

Patience is important in our daily life. Practicing the above strategies will help as the key factor to developing patience at home, office and while waiting at a traffic signal etc., Daily practice will help parents to develop patience.

Reference:

By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline, Child Safety, Parent Care 0 Comment

What to do if my child is dissatisfied most times?

what-to-do-if-my-child-is-not-satisfied

By Jetson Satya Gospel

If you are dealing with an unhappy child, there is hope. Here are some tips that will guide a young child from being dissatisfied to “Cheerful”.

Teaching a child to be joyful and cheerful, takes practice. This is how you, as a parent, may attempt to find joy with your child or children, especially if they are hard to satisfy.

Emphasize to your kids, that:

  • Feeling every type of emotion is alright.
  • Let your kid know that it’s alright to be dissatisfied for the right reasons.
  • Remind your child that they can be in control of how they feel.
  • Have an open arm to embrace your child always!
  • Laugh out from your heart to generate endorphins (happy hormone).  Teach them to laugh heartily.
  • Initiate positive choices intentionally.
  • Be appreciative.
  • Play “joyful” music.
  • Show your child to reminisce happy moments no matter how big or small.
  • Discuss when your kid calms down.

However, do not pressure them to be happy or satisfied. Be subtle in your approach.

The best thing I personally learned is when I saw my friend take his dissatisfied kid to an orphanage. But you must also be careful to remember that an orphanage or an elders’ home is not a tourist spot to hand out. You ought to directly connect with the hearts of residents there. The troubles shouldn’t be too hard on your child’s emotional state too. With that cautious note, I share how kids can realize personally how blessed they are to have wonderful parents, great clothing, good school to study and lovely friends, and to have all their luxurious needs met time after time. Following the visit to the orphanage, the child’s attitude changed for the better, and she felt utterly content. The visit also developed empathy in her towards the kids at the orphanage.

Happy parenting dear parents!

References

  1. https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/some-kids-really-are-more-difficult-heres-why-it-happens-and-how-to-deal/
  2. https://coffeeandcarpool.com/help-an-unhappy-child-be-happy/
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

Anger management in Kids

Dealing-with-anger-management-in-kids

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

My 4 year old gets angry easily. She throws things and shouts. How do I help her manage her anger? Do my kids need anger management or do I?

Let’s start our discussion with a dialogue between a Dad and his 4 year old daughter.

 Dad: Hey Dear! Do you realize what time it is? Isn’t it time to bed?  You are still digging on the mobile!

Daughter: I want to finish this game Daddy.

Dad: Do you honestly believe that that is a good excuse? 

Daughter:  Not at all–that is what I like to do now.

Dad: How many times do I have to ask you to hit the bed soon?

Daughter: Daddy I see you doing that too!

Dad:  That’s beside the point.

Daughter:  Starts crying …. (Action)

Dad:  Next time you use the phone before bed, there will be consequences.

Daughter:  Throws the mobile……… (Action)

Dad sighs with sadness and is about to scold his daughter

Let us stop the conversation between the Dad and the daughter here.

Some kids simply lose their temper from time to time, but other kids seem to remember things more negatively when things don’t go their way. The majority of the time, parents will need to provide additional support to their children to deal with their behaviour. Few would argue the fact that rage and aggression continue to rank among the most important and challenging issues faced by our society, even though official rates of aggression and violence among kids, teens and adults have decreased from their peak level.

Controlling quick reactions can be hard for young children and supporting them can be sometimes difficult for the parents. That is undoubtedly challenging. In any case, keep in mind that you’re trying to teach your children how to deal with anger. If you yell or give in, you’ll demonstrate the same behaviour you are trying to discourage. Your children will observe and witness your own incapability to deal with anger.

So, what can parents do? Here are some tips to deal with anger management issues in your child:

Handling your own irritation: Your behaviour sets an example for your child. When you handle yourself well, it will teach kids to do the same.

Directing feelings and overseeing conduct: These are abilities that foster gradually over time in parenting. Similar to several other skills, your kids should practice and learn them with your help.

Trying to be your kid’s partner: Both parents can support their children to overcome their unpleasant attitudes. Parents can partner with their kids in understanding what troubles them and what cause them to be angry, first. Then they can come up with strategies for the children to cope with their anger.

Modelling anger management: How you behave reflects on your children. When your child acts up, if you respond by screaming and shouting, that only encourages them to do the same. Be a role model in how you react towards your child’s anger and your child will learn to manage his anger better.

Making rules clear and sticking to them: Having guidelines at home is vital for a child’s development. Abiding by them is crucial too, for instance, you could say “No phones after 9pm”. Provide consequences for their actions.

Taking breaks: If you become angry or emotional, try to leave the child in another responsible adult’s hands and take some time off from the situation.

Resting: Ensure kids get sufficient rest. Rest is vital for their growth and development.

Keeping them active: Children that have strong attitudes can benefit much from dynamic play. Encourage your child’s favorite sports and outdoor activities. Let them spend their energy usefully and stimulate their intellect.

Here are some model conduct rules to try:

In our family, we don’t strike or yell in an offensive manner

  • There’s no shouting permitted.
  • You may not toss things or break things deliberately.

Most kids can learn strategies for managing their anger effectively. Talking to other adults about how they raise their children, as well as with teachers, school counsellors, and mentors, may be helpful. If the situation becomes out of hand and unnatural, your child’s primary care physician may recommend a professional counsellor.

 

References

  1. Nelson, W. M. III, Finch, A. J., Jr., & Ghee, A. C. (2012). Anger management with children and adolescents. In P. C. Kendall (Ed.), Child and adolescent therapy: Cognitive-behavioral procedures (pp. 92–139). Guilford Press
  2. Kendall, P. C. (Ed.). (2011). Child and adolescent therapy: Cognitive-behavioral procedures. Guilford Press.
  3. Rodriguez, C. M., & Green, A. J. (1997). Parenting stress and anger expression as predictors of child abuse potential. Child abuse & neglect, 21(4), 367-377.
  4. Holden, E. W., Willis, D. J., & Foltz, L. (1989). Child abuse potential and parenting stress: Relationships in maltreating parents. Psychological Assessment: A Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1(1), 64.
  5. Burrell, B., Thompson, B., & Sexton, D. (1994). Predicting child abuse potential across family types. Child Abuse & Neglect, 18(12), 1039-1049.
  6. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/help-your-child-with-anger-issues/
  7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4808268/
  8. https://www.eslfast.com/robot/topics/dailylife/dailylife19.htm

 

 

 

By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

How to deal with Attention-seeking behaviour in children?

How-to-deal-with-attention-seeking-behaviour-in-child

By Siyona Varghese

 

The ability to discriminate between needs and wants is just not developed yet in children between the ages of 3 and 6. As a result, they sometimes act as though they’re attempting to push you away. This can indicate that they are more in need of your help than before. You may be able to assist your child more effectively if you recognize the underlying causes of their attention-seeking behaviour.

The Root Cause

Children want your attention naturally since they rely on adults for stability and care. Although you may want kids to behave well always, given their age and developmental stage they would misbehave sometimes. Note that it is normal and it is also normal for a child to seek attention. It should concern you only if a child’s conduct becomes out of control.  A child my seem out of control for a variety of causes including problems in their upbringing or environment. Their conduct might also be impacted by a brain-based difference.
Here are some helpful strategies for dealing with a child that constantly demands attention:

Reinforce Good behaviour: Rewarding them for good behaviour is the most effective approach to encourage good behaviour. Compliment them on most things, big or small, they do well (1). Compliment them in a way that they understand why you are complimenting. Avoid empty appreciation.

Spend time with your kids: Parents sometimes mistakenly believe that they are spending all of their time taking care of their children because they do chores like washing their clothes, cooking their meals, making their beds, sending them off to school etc. However, while these fundamental activities are wonderful, children need you to play with them and give them direct attention. Children also need to be mentally and emotionally stimulated. Make sure you spend a lot of quality time reading, playing and conversing with your children.

Be Compassionate: Empathy must be used while addressing the issue of unwanted conduct with young children. You don’t have to fully comprehend their behaviour to be empathetic. An understanding touch and a friendly smile go a long way.

It can be an absolute challenge to maintain kindness and empathy when the kids act rude. However, remind yourself that they are only kids. Once you are aware of their developmental maturity, you will be able to better comprehend what they can and cannot handle. 

Explain what is an emergency and what is not: Give your children some guidance on how to distinguish between a real emergency that requires your quick response and something they want but isn’t a top priority. Here’s a simple tip: make sure you have a clear plan that enables your children to communicate when something is actually significant. Children will learn to distinguish between a genuine emergency and someone simply needing your attention by developing a catchphrase they may use in an actual emergency (such as, “code red”).

Communicate: It’s possible that they feel “not good enough” in their academic subjects at school, so they “act up” to mask how they truly feel, which is not good enough. Communicate with them about how you can boost their academic performance or give them more self-assurance in the topics they are finding tough. If necessary, find ways to support them. Discover easy ways to build their confidence, such as talking to their teacher or playing some memory games for a few minutes while driving to school(2). Let them also know under-performance is okay sometimes.

Avoid yelling: When children won’t stop crying or you’re exhausted and at your wit’s end, it can be quite tempting to bring your emotional reactions down to their level. When you feel like you could lose control and snap, try to have a strategy in place for getting away from the situation. If they don’t stop acting up for attention, tell them: “I need to take a 5-minute time-out as you won’t stop crying.” Once you feel calm enough to handle the kids, return to your quiet space and practice some deep breathing and relaxation techniques. If you need a break, ensure the child is left in another adult’s care.

Make sure they don’t feel guilty: Many parents experience chronic fatigue and overwork as a result of juggling the demands of their children, and life in general. As a result, it can be tempting to use our challenges such as a demanding job, an unpleasant encounter with a neighbor, or a disagreement with our partner to guilt our children into acting well. 

But our children shouldn’t be exposed to the problems we adults experience. Kids already feel enough stress and worry on their own; it’s unfair to subject them to more stress. Although it’s okay for them to be aware of how worn out you are, you should avoid discussing all the specific details.

Don’t assume: Many parents panic when their children exhibit attention-seeking habits while in fact, the issue is not a serious one. It’s normal for most children to act out at some point during their development. It doesn’t necessarily imply that they have a problem. Expecting this behaviour in children and responding to it with appropriate consequences will help you educate kids how to behave appropriately when they’re sad or want attention (3).

Bottom line: Children often engage in attention-seeking behaviour. Some young kids behave a certain way because they don’t know how to express their demands in a calmer way. There are various ways of supporting the kids, even if you don’t understand their reasons. 

It is crucial to focus on your relationship with your children as it is one of the most essential ways to meet their requirements. Their cornerstone for living a healthy life will be creating a strong and supportive bond.

References

  1. https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-about-attention-seeking-kids#recap
  2. https://sueatkinsparentingcoach.com/2020/05/what-to-do-if-you-have-an-attention-seeking-child/
  3. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4415806/
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How to handle children with ADHD?

how to handle children with ADHD

By Dr. Dhanalakshmi N.

Ph.D. (N), PG Psychological Counselling, M.Sc. Psychology

 

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can disturb a child’s ability to pay attention or sit silently at school and, it also can affect relationships with family and other children. Children with ADHD often show behaviors that can be very troublesome to others. Behavior therapy is a treatment option that can benefit in reducing these disruptive behaviors.

Goals of Behaviour Therapy

  • It helps parents to better understand their child’s actions.
  • It teaches parents how to create a structured environment.
  • It encourages positive behaviors and discourages unwanted or negative conduct in the child.

Tips for Parents to Improve Their Child’s Behavior

  • Set a routine: Try to follow the same schedule every day, from the time you wake up to bedtime.
  • Get organized: Encourage your child to set school bags, clothing, and toys in the same place every day so that they will be less likely to lose them.
  • Manage distractions: Turn off the TV, limit noise, and provide a clean workspace when your child is doing homework. 
  • Limit choices: To help your child not feel overwhelmed, offer choices with only a few options. For example, have them choose between two outfits/meals/toys.
  • Be clear and specific when you talk with your child: Let your child know you are listening by repeating what you heard them say. Use clear, short instructions when you need them to do something.
  • Help your child plan: Break down big tasks into smaller, shorter steps. For long tasks, start early and take breaks to limit stress.
  • Set Goals and offer praise or rewards: Make sure the goals are genuine and that your child will be able to follow them. It’s important to start with small steps. Identifying positive behaviors and appreciating or rewarding their efforts will strengthen such behavior in a child.
  • Discipline effectively: Instead of scolding, shouting, and engaging in physical abuse, use effective instructions such as removal of related privileges as consequences for the child’s inappropriate behavior. 
  • Create positive opportunities: Children with ADHD may find certain situations stressful. Identifying and encouraging the hidden talents of your child such as academics, sports, art, music, or play—can help to create positive experiences.
  • Provide a healthy lifestyle: Healthy food, lots of physical activity and sufficient sleep are important; they can prevent the progression of ADHD symptoms.
  • Practice good sleep patterns: Numerous issues stem from a lack of sleep; nevertheless, the quality of sleep is more essential than quantity. Poor sleep can harm ADHD, but sufficient sleep can help control energy levels and promote happiness.  

To conclude, children with ADHD might present difficulties for their parents and other caretakers. However, kids with ADHD can succeed and be happy with the correct support. Do not view ADHD as a behavioral issue or as a result of poor parenting. It is a special task with distinct benefits. You must consult a medical professional who is knowledgeable in ADHD in kids, for a personal and accurate diagnosis and treatment. 

Check out Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) to get a better understanding.

 

References

  1. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/behavior-therapy.html
  2. https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/add-vs-adhd#:~:text=Is%20there%20a%20difference%3F,%2C%20or%20ADHD%2C%20combined%20type.
  3. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321621#twenty-one-parenting-tips
  4. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/documents/adhd-behavior-therapy-healthcare-fact-sheet.pdf
  5. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/documents/adhd-behavior-therapy-overview-all-ages.pdf
  6. https://childmind.org/article/help-for-parents-with-adhd/#treatingparents-with-adhd
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline, Health and Special Needs 0 Comment

My Child is Naughty! What Should I Do?

my child is naughty what should I do?

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

It is quite natural and normal for any child to be naughty. As a parent we need to be mindful about it and know when and how to react. Here are a few tips to help you handle naughty children when they cross the boundary.

Tips for handling Naughty kids

Reasons behind the behaviour: Stop assuming that they’re misbehaving and discuss with  them about what’s happening in a calm tone. Reason with them and explain what they could have done better.

Screen time: Reduce screen time to make them less cranky and to enhance their sleep quality.

Rules & Guidelines: Ensure your children understand what the rules and guidelines are at home and elsewhere, and what is expected of them.

Be Firm: Do not yield to your kids’ bad attitude. Be firm in your resolve to address their behaviour.

Do not harp: It’s not the children who are bad, but it is their behaviour. So, treat them kindly. In case the children are younger than 4 years of age, do tell them firmly that it is not okay to do so every time they do it, but do not lecture or harp on it. Tell them and redirect them to another activity. Focusing too much on bad behaviour can also reinforce it.

Appreciate them: Appreciate your children when  they do good. This reinforces good behaviour.

Bonding over quality time: Children need your attention and love. Make it an everyday practice to spend quality time together.

Constructive engagement: Make sure your children are engaged in good activities. They are less prone to be naughty when they are occupied in some activities that they enjoy. Ensure they have some independence so they don’t feel constrained.

Tips for handling yourself

 Time Out: If you feel you’ve been pushed over your limits, take time out. Step aside and let another take care of the children. Take time to relax and cool down.

Self Care: Take care of yourself. When you do, you are a better parent.

Reliability: Be dependable, reliable and consistent.

Composure: Remain steadfast and keep a steady composure without throwing a fit despite wanting to.

Remember who the Adult is: Try not to dump your irritation on your kid and try not to vent your anger on your child.

Do not shout: Shouting won’t yield any positive results. When you shout, your children will tune you out. They would listen to the sounds and not to the words.

Your  conduct will be a mirror to your kids’ way of behaving, so ensure your behaviour is something that your children can follow. Try not to be too harsh on your children as this will make them insincere and adamant. Being clear and straightforward with your kids will go a long way in ensuring that they don’t act naughty constantly. Show respect, love and regard towards your children and they will return the same towards you and others.

References

https://www.standard.co.uk/hp/front/calling-a-child-naughty-can-traumatise-them-say-experts-7194432.html#:~:text=P%20arents%20should%20not%20call,if%20they%20are%20behaving%20badly.

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