What to do if my child is dissatisfied most times?

what-to-do-if-my-child-is-not-satisfied

By Jetson Satya Gospel

If you are dealing with an unhappy child, there is hope. Here are some tips that will guide a young child from being dissatisfied to “Cheerful”.

Teaching a child to be joyful and cheerful, takes practice. This is how you, as a parent, may attempt to find joy with your child or children, especially if they are hard to satisfy.

Emphasize to your kids, that:

  • Feeling every type of emotion is alright.
  • Let your kid know that it’s alright to be dissatisfied for the right reasons.
  • Remind your child that they can be in control of how they feel.
  • Have an open arm to embrace your child always!
  • Laugh out from your heart to generate endorphins (happy hormone).  Teach them to laugh heartily.
  • Initiate positive choices intentionally.
  • Be appreciative.
  • Play “joyful” music.
  • Show your child to reminisce happy moments no matter how big or small.
  • Discuss when your kid calms down.

However, do not pressure them to be happy or satisfied. Be subtle in your approach.

The best thing I personally learned is when I saw my friend take his dissatisfied kid to an orphanage. But you must also be careful to remember that an orphanage or an elders’ home is not a tourist spot to hand out. You ought to directly connect with the hearts of residents there. The troubles shouldn’t be too hard on your child’s emotional state too. With that cautious note, I share how kids can realize personally how blessed they are to have wonderful parents, great clothing, good school to study and lovely friends, and to have all their luxurious needs met time after time. Following the visit to the orphanage, the child’s attitude changed for the better, and she felt utterly content. The visit also developed empathy in her towards the kids at the orphanage.

Happy parenting dear parents!

References

  1. https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/some-kids-really-are-more-difficult-heres-why-it-happens-and-how-to-deal/
  2. https://coffeeandcarpool.com/help-an-unhappy-child-be-happy/
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

How to Parent a possessive kid?

how-to-deal-with-possessive-kid

By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

Isn’t that sweet when you know that your child is possessive of you? But remember too much honey is going to hurt you. Likewise, we will discuss here ways to handle a possessive kid!

Let me share a few quotes as you ponder this journey of parenting a possessive child.

“If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh,  (Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life)

“You want to be free. You also want to be mine. You can’t be both.”
― Nenia Campbell, (Crowned by Fire)

“There are only two mortal sins in the world; one of these is to be cruel and the other is to possess, and they are both destructive of happiness.”
― John Cowper Powys, (A Glastonbury Romance)

Now as you read the quotes I have stated above, it poses a question whether possessiveness is a negative emotion. Yes, it is when it crosses limits. Your three year old may cling to you a lot due to separation anxiety or challenges she faces as normal part of growing. That is natural and I wouldn’t call it possessive. But if you find that your child is too possessive, you may do something about it. So how might you stop the possessive examples in your relationship with your kid? The initial step is to comprehend the reason why your kid opts to participate in a controlling way of behaving, and the subsequent step is to manage the basic sentiments that drive your child toward  abnormal behavior.

The majority of us have some amounts of vulnerability surrounding our comfortable ties. A possessive child is similar. Here are some suggestions for dealing with your possessive child.

  1. Improve your child’s identity by telling them that they are admirable and fine by themselves, alone. Insist that they be reliable and competent. Oppose participating in envious, definitive or punishing ways of behaving
  2. Work towards improving confidence and self-dependence in your child. Don’t withdraw from her. Give her the company and guidance she needs but allow her to do activities independently or with other people.
  3. Acknowledge that these sentiments are from the past experiences
  4. Track down ways of quieting your nervousness
  5. Remove your relationship uneasiness with your kid if any
  6. Put new people and resources into your child’s life
  7. Converse with your child from a grown-up point of view

A few suggestions for parenting a possessive child are provided above. I trust that it would help you walk through a tough terrain and enter green pastures.

References

  1. https://www.psychalive.org/relationship-possessiveness/
  2. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/870836-peace-is-every-step-the-path-of-mindfulness-in-everyday-life
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

What to do if my child is physically less active?

building resistance in kids

By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

 

Children who engage in regular physical activity have better blood pressure, body mass index, bone density, overall health, academic performance, mental well-being and self-esteem.

Alternately, online activities and video gaming, for example, time spent sitting in front of the television or playing computer games, are connected to heftiness, metabolic disorder, hypertension and lower scores in psycho-social well-being markers like body satisfaction.

Here are things you can do when you notice your little one to be less active:

  • Consult your pediatrician and rule out any physical issues. This is very important.
  • Get the whole family included in making your kid more active. It is a very rewarding method and helps in getting to know each other too.
  • Encourage your kid and ensure that he builds some sweet memories at play.
  • Provide a protected environment.
  • Be a good example: Children who witness their parents continuously enjoying sports and doing real work are likely to do the same.
  • Assist your kid in learning a new game or participating in other active work.
  • Create guidelines with dos and don’ts.
  • Set aside a few minutes for play every day.

I’ve listed some games for kids between the ages of 3-6 below based on my personal experience.

Most activities should be simple, unstructured and play-based between the ages of three and six, although you can start enrolling your child in somewhat structured exercises. It is important to have a range of moderate to vigorous activities. Watch out for the safety of your child in everything.

  1. Swimming
  2. Skating
  3. Stretch exercises
  4. Bicycle riding
  5. Family games but not online

You can keep adding games while being creative and making sure that everyone is secure. This will primarily benefit your child and help them remember your sportive side.

Happy Parenting!

References

  1. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/82-625-x/2019001/article/00003-eng.htm
  2. https://activeforlife.com/best-physical-activities-for-kids-at-every-age/
  3. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/fitness/Pages/Encouraging-Your-Child-to-be-Physically-Active.aspx#:~:text=Play%20with%20your%20children.,%2C%20hike%2C%20or%20bike%20ride.
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline, Health and Special Needs 0 Comment

How to deal with phone addiction in Kids?

how-to-deal-with-phone-addiction-in-kids

 By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

Let me start this discussion with a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley: “Encourage your children to read more and watch television less”.

The Times of India, a news publication, recently published a two-part series about how children’s addiction to online gaming is turning them into criminals. In one instance, a child stole Rs 4.5 lakh from his family to pay for the game, while in the other, the child killed his own mother. According to the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences, instances involving children’s psychological health have significantly increased (NIMHANS). Despite the worry surrounding these challenges, we can raise them with optimism if we take responsible action.

Here are some helpful suggestions to help your child de-addict from television and phone:

Take this acronym “ADDICTION” to be the answer to move children to safety zone offline.

A for Attitude: When parents at home start to adopt a new attitude, kids will soon follow. Be a role-model yourself which you want your kids to emulate.

D for Disconnect: Disconnect from devices and increase interaction with people for work and play. Spend time at home, with each other more and less with phones and devices.

D for Distance: Distance your children from devices. Shut off the TV in the background. Keep the phones out of sight.

I for Imbibe books: Imbibe the practice of reading printed books rather than e-books. Prefer books over cartoons.

C for Communication: Communicate with your children more.  Interact with your friends face to face more.

T for Target: Have a target of zero phone time for children under 18 months, and 15 minutes per day for children under 4 years. Thereafter, no more than an hour of time with devices including TV, Computer and Phone, for up to 6 years of age.

I for Invite: Invite your child’s friends to play physical games outdoors.

O for Oxygen: The much needed oxygen intake increases when you engage in activities outdoors. Walk, run and enjoy the outdoors.

N for No: Say NO to devices during eating & sleep time, firmly.

Avoiding phones and devices is the best practice. During the times that you must use devices, pay attention to keeping your children away from fast moving images and harmful content. The latter can be achieved by certain child safety settings on your phones and devices. Consider going offline before giving the devices to your kids under 6 years. That will also help reduce the exposure to radiation.

References

  1. https://www.quotemaster.org/children%27s+television
  2. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/lucknow/online-gaming-addiction-is-turning-children-violent/articleshow/92094915.cms?from=mdr
  3. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/parenting/teen/tips-to-help-your-child-withdraw-from-digital-addiction/articleshow/92977357.cms?from=mdr
  4. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/hyderabad/study-play-sleep-repeat/articleshow/90947810.cms?from=mdr
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline, Child Safety 0 Comment

Anger management in Kids

Dealing-with-anger-management-in-kids

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

My 4 year old gets angry easily. She throws things and shouts. How do I help her manage her anger? Do my kids need anger management or do I?

Let’s start our discussion with a dialogue between a Dad and his 4 year old daughter.

 Dad: Hey Dear! Do you realize what time it is? Isn’t it time to bed?  You are still digging on the mobile!

Daughter: I want to finish this game Daddy.

Dad: Do you honestly believe that that is a good excuse? 

Daughter:  Not at all–that is what I like to do now.

Dad: How many times do I have to ask you to hit the bed soon?

Daughter: Daddy I see you doing that too!

Dad:  That’s beside the point.

Daughter:  Starts crying …. (Action)

Dad:  Next time you use the phone before bed, there will be consequences.

Daughter:  Throws the mobile……… (Action)

Dad sighs with sadness and is about to scold his daughter

Let us stop the conversation between the Dad and the daughter here.

Some kids simply lose their temper from time to time, but other kids seem to remember things more negatively when things don’t go their way. The majority of the time, parents will need to provide additional support to their children to deal with their behaviour. Few would argue the fact that rage and aggression continue to rank among the most important and challenging issues faced by our society, even though official rates of aggression and violence among kids, teens and adults have decreased from their peak level.

Controlling quick reactions can be hard for young children and supporting them can be sometimes difficult for the parents. That is undoubtedly challenging. In any case, keep in mind that you’re trying to teach your children how to deal with anger. If you yell or give in, you’ll demonstrate the same behaviour you are trying to discourage. Your children will observe and witness your own incapability to deal with anger.

So, what can parents do? Here are some tips to deal with anger management issues in your child:

Handling your own irritation: Your behaviour sets an example for your child. When you handle yourself well, it will teach kids to do the same.

Directing feelings and overseeing conduct: These are abilities that foster gradually over time in parenting. Similar to several other skills, your kids should practice and learn them with your help.

Trying to be your kid’s partner: Both parents can support their children to overcome their unpleasant attitudes. Parents can partner with their kids in understanding what troubles them and what cause them to be angry, first. Then they can come up with strategies for the children to cope with their anger.

Modelling anger management: How you behave reflects on your children. When your child acts up, if you respond by screaming and shouting, that only encourages them to do the same. Be a role model in how you react towards your child’s anger and your child will learn to manage his anger better.

Making rules clear and sticking to them: Having guidelines at home is vital for a child’s development. Abiding by them is crucial too, for instance, you could say “No phones after 9pm”. Provide consequences for their actions.

Taking breaks: If you become angry or emotional, try to leave the child in another responsible adult’s hands and take some time off from the situation.

Resting: Ensure kids get sufficient rest. Rest is vital for their growth and development.

Keeping them active: Children that have strong attitudes can benefit much from dynamic play. Encourage your child’s favorite sports and outdoor activities. Let them spend their energy usefully and stimulate their intellect.

Here are some model conduct rules to try:

In our family, we don’t strike or yell in an offensive manner

  • There’s no shouting permitted.
  • You may not toss things or break things deliberately.

Most kids can learn strategies for managing their anger effectively. Talking to other adults about how they raise their children, as well as with teachers, school counsellors, and mentors, may be helpful. If the situation becomes out of hand and unnatural, your child’s primary care physician may recommend a professional counsellor.

 

References

  1. Nelson, W. M. III, Finch, A. J., Jr., & Ghee, A. C. (2012). Anger management with children and adolescents. In P. C. Kendall (Ed.), Child and adolescent therapy: Cognitive-behavioral procedures (pp. 92–139). Guilford Press
  2. Kendall, P. C. (Ed.). (2011). Child and adolescent therapy: Cognitive-behavioral procedures. Guilford Press.
  3. Rodriguez, C. M., & Green, A. J. (1997). Parenting stress and anger expression as predictors of child abuse potential. Child abuse & neglect, 21(4), 367-377.
  4. Holden, E. W., Willis, D. J., & Foltz, L. (1989). Child abuse potential and parenting stress: Relationships in maltreating parents. Psychological Assessment: A Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1(1), 64.
  5. Burrell, B., Thompson, B., & Sexton, D. (1994). Predicting child abuse potential across family types. Child Abuse & Neglect, 18(12), 1039-1049.
  6. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/help-your-child-with-anger-issues/
  7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4808268/
  8. https://www.eslfast.com/robot/topics/dailylife/dailylife19.htm

 

 

 

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What should I do if my child cries a lot?

what-should-I-do-if-my-child-cries-a-lot

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

Some kids cry over minor matters, as if the world were falling apart around them. Children cry both from their heart and their eyes. To address these issues of “crying”, which may have a cause or not, we need to build a strong foundation with children on understanding their feelings when they cry. Crying is normal. But how we face our children and teaching them how to face the situations make all the difference.

As parents we experience certain feelings and emotions when our child cries. The following is a list of mindful responses to various moods and emotions, that can be used by parents. I have arranged it in an alphabetical order devised from my personal parenting experience.

Adore and show affection frequently and let your children know that you care for them.

Befriend your child and talk to them about what is troubling her.

Calm yourself down and then calm your crying child. It is important that as a parent, you don’t act up when you see your child hurt or unreasonable.

Discipline is important and if your child cries out of injustice or selfishness, teach them that their crying will not give them what they need. Do not allow them to use crying as a tool to achieve bad things.

Emotions of the child need to be your focus, as she cries. Empathize with her. A tender touch, loving response or a hug go a long way.

Fast reaction may be required and so be prepared.

Good to cry for good reasons. It’s okay to cry when a child feels heavy at heart as crying helps her vent out heavy feelings.

Hope that as your child will mature, things will improve. Nothing is going to last for very long.

Inspire your child as a parent to be strong at heart and face challenges with bravery, whether at home or in school.

Justice and fairness should be kept in mind while dealing with your children. Do it gently.

Keen you should be, in knowing the reasons behind your child’s cry.

Love as they are and show your affection even when they cry.

Mindful of the environment you should be, when they cry.

No changing your stance when it is a reasonable one. Let your no be no and yes be yes.

Observe your child’s behavior when she cries.

Polite and kind words should be used, when you speak to your crying child. Show empathy to your child. Let her know that you understand her and feel her pain.

Question her kindly. An interactive two-way dialogue should be practiced.

Reassure your child that there is hope for a positive change.

Sincerely address the child when she is crying.

Thoughtful you must be, about all possible causes of crying.

Uplift your child’s spirits as a coping strategy.

Valiant you should be and teach your child to be strong and brave, when she is facing a difficult situation.

Warm and receptive, a parent must be at all times.

X-factor in this is your own unique strategy!

You should put yourself your child’s shoes and imagine you are of her age and think about how you’d feel.

Zest and enthusiasm for parenting will help you sail through these issues.

References

  1. https://www.chop.edu/pages/crying-over-little-things
  2. https://www.moms.com/tips-parent-child-cries/
By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

My Child is Naughty! What Should I Do?

my child is naughty what should I do?

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

It is quite natural and normal for any child to be naughty. As a parent we need to be mindful about it and know when and how to react. Here are a few tips to help you handle naughty children when they cross the boundary.

Tips for handling Naughty kids

Reasons behind the behaviour: Stop assuming that they’re misbehaving and discuss with  them about what’s happening in a calm tone. Reason with them and explain what they could have done better.

Screen time: Reduce screen time to make them less cranky and to enhance their sleep quality.

Rules & Guidelines: Ensure your children understand what the rules and guidelines are at home and elsewhere, and what is expected of them.

Be Firm: Do not yield to your kids’ bad attitude. Be firm in your resolve to address their behaviour.

Do not harp: It’s not the children who are bad, but it is their behaviour. So, treat them kindly. In case the children are younger than 4 years of age, do tell them firmly that it is not okay to do so every time they do it, but do not lecture or harp on it. Tell them and redirect them to another activity. Focusing too much on bad behaviour can also reinforce it.

Appreciate them: Appreciate your children when  they do good. This reinforces good behaviour.

Bonding over quality time: Children need your attention and love. Make it an everyday practice to spend quality time together.

Constructive engagement: Make sure your children are engaged in good activities. They are less prone to be naughty when they are occupied in some activities that they enjoy. Ensure they have some independence so they don’t feel constrained.

Tips for handling yourself

 Time Out: If you feel you’ve been pushed over your limits, take time out. Step aside and let another take care of the children. Take time to relax and cool down.

Self Care: Take care of yourself. When you do, you are a better parent.

Reliability: Be dependable, reliable and consistent.

Composure: Remain steadfast and keep a steady composure without throwing a fit despite wanting to.

Remember who the Adult is: Try not to dump your irritation on your kid and try not to vent your anger on your child.

Do not shout: Shouting won’t yield any positive results. When you shout, your children will tune you out. They would listen to the sounds and not to the words.

Your  conduct will be a mirror to your kids’ way of behaving, so ensure your behaviour is something that your children can follow. Try not to be too harsh on your children as this will make them insincere and adamant. Being clear and straightforward with your kids will go a long way in ensuring that they don’t act naughty constantly. Show respect, love and regard towards your children and they will return the same towards you and others.

References

https://www.standard.co.uk/hp/front/calling-a-child-naughty-can-traumatise-them-say-experts-7194432.html#:~:text=P%20arents%20should%20not%20call,if%20they%20are%20behaving%20badly.

By vitalmadevadmin in Behaviour and Discipline 0 Comment

10 ways to deal with adamant kids

How-to-deal-with-adamant-kids

 – By Dr. Jetson Satya Gospel

It is quite natural and normal for a child to be adamant however, this doesn’t make the parent’s hardships any less. It can be quite difficult to convince the kid to do something as simple as sleep, take a bath or eat which finally leads to a disagreement. Maintaining this could seem like a burden. It is important to make the child realize the consequences of such behaviour. To encourage children to pay attention to you, you must also recognize the worth of the consistent effort and moral behaviour.

Here are 10 strategies for dealing with an adamant child:

  1. Avoid being the parent who starts fights: Listen carefully to anything your kid has to say and transform it into a discussion rather than a contention.
  2. Connect with your kid: Try sitting in front of the TV with your child for a while if you think they should quit watching TV and focus on homework instead. Once you’ve established some rapport, your child will start to paying attention to you.
  3. Give them options: Offer them choices at play and study. This would make them feel that they have control over their lives. They will appreciate the autonomy in what they do.
  4. Empathize with your child: Consider what your child sees as the most important issue to address and then try to understand why they are acting so adamantly.
  5. Harmony at home: Ensure that your house is where your kid feels cheerful, good, and secure. Be courteous to everybody at home, particularly your partner, as kids observe us continuously and try to imitate us and also learn from us.
  6. Reach an agreement: Instead of imposing firm boundaries, try to negotiate with them. For instance, if the child insists on hearing two stories before bed, attempt to come to an agreement whereby he can choose one story for this evening and the other for another night.
  7. Encourage positive behavior: Appreciate good things that your child does. It encourages him to repeat such behaviour. By having positive attitude yourself, you set an example for your child. If you frequently use the words “no”, “won’t” your child is likely to follow the same.
  8. Plan schedules: Setting up and following a regular plan for your child will help towards improving your child’s manners and academic performance week after week.
  9. Set down rules and expectations: Explain the rules to your child and what you expect out of him. But take note that although consistency is crucial, this should not imply rigidity. Being flexible, when circumstances require, is equally vital.
  10. Tell them a story: Explain model behaviour through stories. Stories could include your life story as well.

Let this day be a start to your parenting life story from a new paradigm 

References

  1. Burket, R. C., Cox, D. J., Tam, A. P., Ritterband, L., Borowitz, S., Sutphen, J., … & Kovatchev, B. (2006). Does” stubbornness” have a role in pediatric constipation?. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 27(2), 106-111.
  2. Hosseini, S., Naziri, G., & Rozdar, E. (2014). Effectiveness of Storytelling therapy on the reduction of aggression and stubbornness in children with oppositional defiant disorder.
  3. Stormshak, E. A., Bierman, K. L., McMahon, R. J., & Lengua, L. J. (2000). Parenting practices and child disruptive behavior problems in early elementary school. Journal of clinical child psychology, 29(1), 17-29.
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